Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Noisy Vaginas

Recently, my very favorite pelvic blogger, Pelvic Guru, posted an article about how to avoid queefing during a Pilates class. The gist of it is that if you breathe in a way to decrease the suction force when your pelvis is elevated, then you can avoid getting the air in that will eventually lead to the queef. Then, my dear Pelvic Guru even followed it up with the awesomeness of this article which has possibly my favorite conclusion ever. Check this out:
"Conclusion. Low age, low body mass index, and vaginal delivery can affect the incidence of a noisy vagina."
 I. Love. Research. Noisy Vagina Research especially

But this reminded me of something!

A woman asked me the other day about "that weird fart thing that happens during sex sometimes". So when I read this article, it made me wonder if those same concepts could apply to sex. Could we possibly use a breathing strategy that avoids allowing air into our vaginas during sex? I'm guessing that more than likely it's not going to work for a couple reasons:

  • Too much thinking required and sex is more about shutting off that thinking part of the brain.
  • Even if you did use the breathing technique to assume the position, I'm guessing that any penetrative thrusting is going to still allow air to be sucked into the vagina. 

The useful part of this article when applying it to sex is the explanation of the suction mechanism for how air gets in there to begin with. If the pelvis is higher than the ribcage, suction can be created to pull air into the vagina. If vaginal flatulence during sex is very embarrassing to you and you'd like to avoid it here's my breakdown of this for you:

1. Start noticing which positions seem to cause it. If you want to get ultra nerdy, journal it if you want (PLEASE share the results with me, if you do!) If you want to get ultra nerdy with this, check out the spreadsheets app. You can track your sex stats including volume which could maybe give you some sort of queef reading!

2. Find your pattern of queefiness.

3. Analyze the positions that were used before the queef occurred. Does the theory that "pelvis above ribcage" seem to hold true for sex as it allegedly does for Pilates?

4. Work on your pelvic floor strength! Not sure how to do this? Find a pelvic PT. Those pelvic floor muscles can help you keep some air out during high-queef-risk activities. Practice with yoga poses like bridges and inversions to test the theory on yourself.

5. If not, skip the rest of this list and see below.

6. If so, try to change the position a little the next time and see if a difference is made. For example, if you were having sex "doggie style" and you bent down to put your elbows on the mattress, maybe try keeping your upper body higher and bringing your knees apart a little more to lower your pelvis if that dynamic works for your partner okay.

But really...

If this seems like too much work, then I suggest the "compliments to the chef" methodology and just laugh it off. Because honestly, queefs are kind of awesomely hilarious. Possibly even high-five worthy if you were really putting in some good work with the pelvis up high.

Conclusion: If you can't outsmart the queef, 
own the hell out of it. 

*And seriously, if you get any data on this, send it my way! :)

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